Think back to the most supportive appointment you've had with a health care provider. What were the key elements that made it a positive experience for you?

Which of these key elements can you specifically ask for in your next appointment? Write out the exact sentences you can use to ask for what you want; practice saying them in mirror.

Are there things you definitely don’t want to repeat? Write those down too.

If you’re seeing the gyn for a specific concern, what have you been noticing? Collect any notes you've taken, or make some notes on what you've been experiencing.

What do you want to cover in the appointment? What questions do you have? Do you have specific questions about the exam or procedures?

Connect with your body: lay your hands on your pelvis, vulva, and vagina. Make some big sighs! Notice how you feel. Let your breath carry your consciousness to inhabit the space of your pelvis.

You can court entry with yourself: ask your body’s permission to enter your vagina with your finger/s. Go slowly, and keep breathing! Take as much time as you need.

You can also reach your finger deep inside you to feel for your cervix. Do you find it? Where is it? How far do you insert your finger to get there?

Refer to your notes. Ask all your questions

Sit up and cover up while communicating with your practitioner.

Ask for what you want with direct statements. Say what you don’t want.

Direct the exam by inserting the speculum or ultrasound wand.

Ask for a mirror so you can see what's happening during an exam.

Practice some STOP statements in advance:

“Stop. I’m not ready yet.“

“Wait. I need a minute before we start.”

“I’m not comfortable with ______ . “

Getting more information:

“What are you wanting to do next?”

“What exactly happens during _______? Can you talk me through each step of the process?”

“What does it usually feel like? What can I expect to see/feel afterwards?”

Commanding the exam:

“I want to have ______ in the room with me.”

"I brought a mirror / I'd like a mirror so I can look too." 

"I'd like to insert the speculum."

“I’m ready for you to open the speculum now.”

“Before you ________, can you ask me if I’m ready first?”

If your practitioner is recommending something you’re unsure about:

"I hear that your recommendation is ___. I need some time to think over what you've said."

“I’m not ready to move forward with that today.”

"I'm not ready to schedule an appointment for that today."

“Where can I learn more about that?”

“What are the alternatives?”

If your practitioner expresses disapproval at a non-MD solution you’re engaging, or are curious about:

"What has your experience been working with ___?"

“What do you recommend instead?”

If practitioner seems impatient or frustrated:

“Thanks for listening. I really don’t want another traumatizing experience.”

“Thanks for listening. I’m really hoping I can walk out of here feeling good about this appointment.”

“Thanks for listening. I really appreciate being able to say these things here.”

Take Back the Speculum is a live workshop all about how to use a speculum at home to view your cervix. Attend in person (LA area) or online, offered several times a year.

Beautiful Cervix Project has an extensive photo gallery of cervixes :)

Distinguished historian and educator Deidre Cooper Owens wrote the definitive book on this subject - Medical Bondage, Race, Gender, and the Origins of American Gynecology.

It can be really challenging to find accurate, detailed, and factual information on pelvic health online! Here are the practitioners I reference all the time, most of whom have extensive and searchable databanks.

Aviva Romm

Lara Briden

Lisa Hendrickson-Jack

Nicole Jardim

Peristeam Institute

Jen Gunter (a brilliant MD gyn, but very biased against non-medical options, fyi)